I am glad to finally have a moment to update my blog today.  I know it has been sometime, but I am hoping to work blogging back into my schedule.  University keeps me as busy as ever, as I am in the second half of my third year, and next year I will working on my final year which comprises of applying most of what I learnt over the past few years.  In addition to my school work I am also writing articles for my school's magazine, trying to get back into shape and eat healthy, and I am looking at starting a professional writer's certificate program soon.  Unfortunately, as a perfectionist I felt like I was going no where and that I had so much to do, and what I was doing was never enough.  I was left feeling overwhelmed and stressed out, and as though feelings grew so did my fear of failure.  But yesterday I was finally able to get everything into perspective.

I ran a 5km colour run yesterday morning, and admittedly I was worried about whether or not I could complete it.  I hadn't really ran in awhile and I was terrified that I would end up having to walk most of it.  Thankfully the whole purpose of the run is to have fun, and at each kilometre mark I was greeted with coloured powder that left me covered in multiple colours by the end of the run.  I realized that as I approached the second colour station that my fear of failure was gone.  The distances were passing by without me noticing, and what kept me going was wanting to reach the next colour station as quick as possible just to see the next cloud of colour hanging over the crowd of runners.

This desire, feeling of accomplishment and eagerly wanting to reach the next marker, is still with me today.  Not only was I able to run 5km with little difficultly, but I accomplished something that until yesterday felt impossible.  Looking back at the past 3 years, I have accomplished a lot, and much like the meters between each colour station, I have sped through each school semester because I was so excited to reach the milestone of another semester gone.  I learned yesterday that not only am I in better physical shape than I thought, but I have been overwhelmed and stressed out for no reason.  I haven't done everything perfectly, but there is nothing wrong with that.  At times I have taken on too much, and then stressed myself out when I wasn't able to accomplish it all.  I wasn't able to relax completely and I found myself worrying about what I could be doing instead or what I had to do the next day.  But now I understand that all of this negativity gets me no where.  I need to revel in the feelings of joy at each stage, and when I feel like there is too much to do, remember the excitement that I felt as I worked towards a stage.

Now that I am facing the busiest year of university plus taking additional courses to get a professional certification I must remember this desire more than ever.  Writing is what I do and a scholar is who I am.  My imagined time restraints and perfectionist inclinations do little to aid either.  And at the end of the day all I have to remember is that when something seems impossible and is stressing me out, all I have to do is keeping moving forward, remember how far I've come, and revel in the happiness when I reach a goal.  And if all else fails, all I have to do is look at my medal from the run, admire the multitudes of colour, and feel inspired.